The Good, the Bad, and the UGLY!

The Good...
should really be called the great the grand...the fabulous weekend I had with my SM (sexy man) as I've decided to call him from now on! Get out your pen and paper folks..this post is going to be a doozy with abbreviations. SM and I had a nice, peaceful weekend, full of good food, smokin hot sex, wonderful cuddle time..and I hate that the weekend had to end it was back to work and all things "real". ick.

The Bad..
The EX..who, going forward, shall be called FT or FUCKTARD..had the kids. This is hard on any divorced couple I'm sure. Do I love the break? yes! I understand my kids are entitled to a relationship with him to but god its hard to share your kids with someone you cant stand..and it being his visitation is only the beginning

The Ugly
This is a little complicated but try to stay with me.. FT and I had some really good close friends, we spent all our time with them, their kids and our kids are best friends...very close! Well now thier marraige is in shambles and its so sad to see them go through alot of the same shit. Natually, I suppose..the male half of that couple (whom i will name in a minute) and FT are hanging out and comisserating..let me rephrase that in reality..getting together and drinking and bitching and whining. The Female half, who for now im going to call MPF -MY POOR FRIEND..and I have been talking and I've just been trying to encourage her and be there for he while she cries. So to say its caused some tension is to say the least.
I asked FT to please just be very cautious when he has our kids..that they arent hearing things they shouldnt be-he of course blew up at me and told me I was trying to control him and I must still love him and blah blah blah..very typical him
Well this weekend shit hit the fan. The male half of the other couple..who we are going to call LCEUSOS- Lying Cheating Emotoinally Unstable Sack of Shit- apparently has a GIRLFRIEND. Keep in mind, he and his wife, as of current, are living together and shes trying to get him to go to marriage counseling, while he basically calls her every name in the book and goes off to his girlfriend..who we're just going to call HO..for ho or hoe..depending on how you spell it. and yes I'm going to say defend calling her a ho...she KNOWS he is married and doesnt give a shit..just keeps telling him he'll never make it work with his wife anyway
Sooooo... after telling me that he will keep my kids away from all this shit... FT has the kids this weekend along with HIS OWN girlfriend..who we call BF - burger flipper..that one's self explanitory.
Anyway..promises promies about just spending time with the kids etc..and what really happened??
FT and LCEUSOS decide its a great time to get together at the house, have some drinks, play some pool, and hang out with BF and HO...all while my children were there??ohhh and i didnt mention havea freaking sleepover..girlfriends included of course.

My kids know LCEUSOS and MPF very well..they are like family..theyknow they are married and now there he is with some new chick??? WTH???? I know kids have to adjust to shit in life but to me it was ludacris for this to be going on. LCEUSOS and MPF have not seperated, decided on divorce, nada..so he is downright cheating and there is my stupid FT of an ex...having him over for sleepovers with his HO. What the hell is this all saying to my kids? And do any of these ASSHOLES even care????

Now I am stuck fielding questions from a 5 yr old like..

so mommy you grow up and fall in love and then later you dont love that person anymore and find someone new??? Does everybody do that?

SAD..and this mama bear was irate...but I have to give him his stupid time with the kids. I just have to love them when I have them and do everything in my power to not let them grow up to be deuchbags like some of the examples in their lives!!!

ps I cannot spell dooooshbag, dushbag, deuschbag, doshebag...whatever you get the point.

h

a good saying

This is so the saying I needed to come across. To those in my past...good riddance and thank you for what you taught me about you and about myself ;) (and no this is not an angry ex post! )

I'm not sure

where exactly I've been or what I've been doing that has me ignoring Blogland, but I assure you I am back!

I guess the biggest updates are I took my stateboards for my CNA liscence....I dont know how I did yet and I"ve got my fingers crossed that I passed. I'm a procrastinator and I waited until about the last possible second. If I dont' have my liscence by April 29th-I cant work until I do. So the pressure is on some.

Oh and I took my mandatory divorce education class...good ole state of Utah. In Utah if you have kids and you are divorcing, you have to take a class...its mostly just on trying to keep the kids first and to stay on top of their emotional well being Interesting stuff.

the FUN stuff I suppose is I saw Fall Out Boy with my kid sister. Not my bag of chips necessarily but we had a good time and FOB actually was quite impressive I thought. 4 opening acts was to much, but they were pretty good. Ohhhh I suppose the big news for us Utahns was DAVID ARCHULETA was there, hiding up in a box seat trying not to be noticed.

beyond that its tax dayand its snowing...I think its HELL ON EARTH!!!!!! YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!!

xoxox
h

It's a Beautiful Day

I feel blessed today. I am overwhelmed with gratitude today..grateful for my life, my kids, my love, my family, the beautiful place where I live.

This week has been tumultuous. the EX FINALLY filed the divorce papers! I am grateful for that to, it is definitly time! I will admit though, having the papers in hand, seeing the finaity of it..was hard to take. Not because I want to go back-but because I cling to a small part of me that feels like a failure. Being 26 and a mom of 2, having a failed marriage, can be a tough pill to swallow. However, I know that I did the right thing and I am clear with where I am at in my life.


The boyfriend and I (he will now be called BF) had a bump in the road and for a time it seemed that maybe we werent going to make it. I have never cried, prayed, or grieved like I did. I finally chose love. I held my hand over my heart and asked mysef over and over what I had, what I wanted, and what I needed-and I saw him in all of thoe answers. I know that I love him and that he loves me. We do all make mistakes and I do believe in forgiveness..and moving forward with purpose. We have redefined our relationship, restated our wants and needs and I think it was good to clear the air.

Something I learned about myself, while I thought I was "being strong"..really I was being bitter and letting my past, affect us...letting it wrap my heart in ice and keep me frigid and downright bitchy.
Finally after alot of tears, alot of talking,alot of time to think, and I'll admit, alot of drinks here and there..we are back on track..
We went out dancing last night and it was a blast! I was feeling it this morning, but looking at the gorgeous day awaiting me, I feel amazing.
I'm gonna go and soak up some sunshine!
xoxox
h