soo

There's this boy....with these eyes, and this smile, and the most amazing kiss.
Nothing like making out in the summer air, warmth and tingles caressing every inch of me.
It simply reminds me how much I love this season...

coming soon...concerts at USANA....probably my favorite thing on this planet!!!


*perma-grin*

Bliss

I'm sick, I'm tired, I have to work tonight..and yet I can't help but smile.

This life, this summer.....my kids, my girlfriends,, SOS, the guys, the parties, the trips..already...

This is how it should be. Everyday something new, exciting, fun. Never knowing whats around the corner, it suits me.

I spent a few days dwelling in my "stuff" and letting it marinate until I knew exactly where I

stood again. Thankfully, I still stand where I stood before. Each decision would still be the same

if I were to make it today.

The pain, I would take it all again, a million times to be where I am at now.

Happy Birthday to my Jayden!

My sweet Jayden, 6 years old today! I can hardly believe it. It has been a huge year, a challenging year, one I will never forget!
You took on Kindegarten this year...when you headed out the door for your first day you loudly proclaimd, "Good Morning World!!!!" and at was the attitude you chose to take with you. You loved school and riding the bus. You picked up reading and writing so quickly. I am so proud of you!





You think long and hard about every decision, it only took us 2 hours to find THE batman costume you wanted, but it was worth it in the end. Gotham City should feel much safer with such a stud around
We took time out to be silly. You are always the litte entertainer/joker. There is nothing like your priceless expressions to make me burst into laughter. Thank you for knowing just the right times, to be a little kid!
You are creative, imaginative, and are always coming up with something new or exciting. This particular picture-you told me your pose was the new "style" of pictures. Your wheels are always turning and I love hearing the things you come up with! Grandma said a prayer for you because you were carsick and as soon as you opened your eyes and the sun hit you..you said "Grandma, we should have prayed for sunglasses"

It was a hard year with mom and dad splitting up, but you handled it with grace, like you do everything..well almost everything ;) You were always there to hug me, hold me, tell me not to worry that everything will be just fine. You are years beyond your age, son.

Happy Birthday, Jayden! Can't wait to see what 6 brings us!

Love

Mom

Why I CANT let myself feel...

I have burried all feelings at a depth I didn't think anyone could get to. Locked the pain away, turning it into a dull aching that I can numb with enough self -destruction.
However, I hear things, see things, read things, and suddenly I find myself erupting from the very core. The hurt oozing out of me like hot lava, burning every inch of me as it flows over my pours.

I have never been made to feel so good and so bad, by the same person. Never allowed mysef to continue to be hurt by someone, long after I've cut the cord.
I've never loved and hated someone so much at the same time. Never wanted someone as far away from me as I can get them...and at the same time...long to be in their arms.

You know who you are...and you'll never understand the damage you have done and continue to do. Enjoy your next victim, your sultry bartender, perhaps your next soulmate?????? Parade her around the same friends and same life, that you once paraded me...making me look like a damn fool for perhaps the millionth time in our twisted tale...

take pleasure in knowing that YES i DO fucking care...and yes I DO hurt!

feel better? laugh at that..smile at that...fluff that up and blog it! I hate that I even care.

What happens in Vegas....

For my 27th birthday-my girlfriends and I headed to Sin City! What a freakin trip!! I've never had so much fun in all my life. There is plenty of great stories and memories that will stay in Vegas ;)
I had a great hookup through an old high school friend, to whom I owe, big time! He got is into the most amazing clubs that Vegas has to offer..Playboy, Moon, Ghostbar-all at the Palms, and Cathouse- at Luxor.unbelievable!! I have so many pics it's not even possible to post them all but I will put up a few of my favorites!
The last night we spent rolling down the strip, breathing in the atmosphere, the people, feeling the entire city pulsate through our bodies, absorbing everything....amazing!!!

love you girls! What a weekend!

**update...blogger is being a piece o shite and won't let me upload..but check out facebook and I'll get them here ASAP!

How to Dance In the Rain

How to Dance in the Rain
It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?'He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.' I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life.'

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. I hope you share this with someone you care about.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain

--author unknown

now..THIS is exactly the type of love I want in my life, eventually...just not now. I'm simply not ready yet, but when I am...THAT is what I want.