Summer Of Single

So, it's a summer of single, officially.

Here are the rules

1. Until your friend sleeps with a guy he is fair game.

2. You never ditch a fellow SOS'er for a dude...EVER.

3. You can only repeatedly see a man if he has equally or more attracitve friends

4. Use protection

There are rules....lets party...BITCHES!

xo
h

Freedom

There is something to be said for personal freedom..not being tied to someone. Making all of my own decisions, all of my own plans..
upcoming warm weekends full of friends, fun, DRINKS and new guys to meet. I can obviously find joy in these things..however...care button? still off...burried. I will not allow feelings to seep to the surface of me. I will not love and I will not let anyone in.
The walls are up and being reinforced with steel as we speak.

the good side?

I can sit in my underwear, in bed, feeling the cool breeze watching tv all day..texting, and noone CARES!

xoxo

ms h

a twinge of pain

So I ran into a friend of..wow I dont know what to call him....X2..there's the EX which is the ex husband..and now X2..formerly known as SM

ran into said friend said hello...told him X2 and I had broken up..his resonse..

"i didnt know that I am sorry to hear.. I never really knew his status anyways.. he is a good friend but I didnt get much into his personal life. That sucks and I wish you both the very best.. Last I heard he was really into you."

Read the last line again...I felt it like a dagger twisting into my heart, the only thing I've felt in weeks...and all I could do was think...yeah, I thought so to.

I've diagnosed myself

as emotionally unavailable. I know that sounds wretched..but for where I am at in life..I think it is how I need to be. The only people in my life getting any feelings from me are my precious kids. Beyond them, I am DONE with feeling for a good, long time.

I have simply shut that side of me off. A failed marriage, followed immediately by a failed relationship...yuck.throw me overboad!!!

I just want to be single, free, and JUST Heather-for as long as it takes to dare open that box called emotions, that I stashed up on my top shelf, where I have to get a ladder to reach it

xo

h

TEQUILA!!!!

WAY to much Tequila. 5 people...1 gallon..yikes. It was mayhem but it was just what the Dr ordered!
Moment of the night..7 naked kids jumping on the trampoline and all of us "responsible" parents laughing hysterically.

Being lazy and cuddling with your friends all morning, while sipping coffee....PRICELESS.

Broken

Broken is loving someone who lies to you and doesn't care.
Broken is lovng someone who wants everyone to know everything, so he can prove, it's all your fault.
Broken is loving someone who STILL never left his girlfriend, no matter how many times he promised.
Broken is loving someone who critiques everything that you do.
Broken is loving who does not respect who you are or how you do things.
Broken is loving someone who tries to shape you into what they want, instead of loving you for who you are.
Broken is realizing how long I allowed you to make me feel this way-and how I continued to take the blame for it.
THAT is broken.

maybe breaking up with you is my first step towards being fixed?

xo
h

Single again

I'm not going to get into the details..however, I have decided it is best to move on in my life without SM. Cold turkey, completely cut the cord..and one foot in front of the other.

I'm going to focus on my job, my kids, and enjoying the blessed life I do have.
for today....I just got off of work and I'm sleeping!!!

the only constant things in life are CHOICE and CHANGE!

xoxo

h

What a difference!!!

My 2 boys are extremely addicted to the TV and the Wii. I know it is completely my fault for allowing it to get to this point, but it has been sheer survival. Working graves, sometimes its the only time I can sleep is when thy are watching tv. However, mama can't stand it anymore!!
So Saturday I said noooo more!!! I turned it off..and I will admit I said for a week...minus family movies or something like that, something special. For example, SM and I took them to see EARTH yesterday which was magnificent!

I can't believe the difference in my children. They are playing and interacting and imagining...I know it sounds so simple, so DUH..but this is really huge for us!

Because I do need some sleep I've revamped the program and told them we will ease our way into SOME tv..SOME...like they got to watch 2 shows this morning while SM and I had some cuddle/sleep time-but then they turned it off which, for them, is amazing.

We are most definitly a work in progress and I love that!

A Whole New Appreciation

So SM suprised me last week with Starbucks Gift Card, which, if you know me, is about as good as it gets! However I have found myself struggling to use it because of my crazy schedule. I live in a remote, small valley..WITH NO STARBUCKS!!! A horrific sin! I do work downtown though and pass 2 Starbucks _aka.. Mecca's on my way to work..but because of my stupid schedule I"ve had issues. I go to work at 1030pm..SBUX is closed by then and when I get off at 7am..I dont want anymore coffee, I just want sleep!
I've come up with a solution...I've started buying myself breakfast at SBUX and its delicious!!! I had their perfect oatmeal with dried fruit and brown sugar mmmmmmmmmm.
Today I went out on a limb and orderd their spinach, feta cheese, and egg wrap. I loved it.

It has always been a love afair between that quaint little coffee shop and I...but now, the romance has grown to epic proportions. I fear I will not be able to keep myself away!!

xoxo
h

rainy, lazy, saturday

mmm I'm so relaxed and mellow. It's rainy, the kids are quietly playing, SM just left for a day of work..and I very well might not move for the entire day!

SM and I got some great news, we found a house we are going to rent and we are super excited. More room, more flexability..and a place that feels alot more like a home than the condo we're currently in I gave my notice on the condo and we will move into the new place on June 1st! Wooho!!!!


Beyond that, back to work tonight. Back to the madness of crazy people and insane hours! Bring it on!

xoxox
h